Member-only story
Anxiety is my Default State
And I’m learning how to be okay with it and go with the flow
I know I can’t be alone in having a mental illness. I’ll be honest, I’m wondering if I have more than one. I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Major Depression about six years ago when I was in community college. I struggled with many of my emotions and I still do.
I had to go into hospitalization for a bit (separate story for another day) and I still feel like I’m not getting any better. It likely doesn’t help that I’m writing this in one of my manic episodes. I may or may not have bipolar disorder but I don’t know that I do. I can’t trust my emotions anymore to be able to tell what is going on with me.
I live in a constant state of anxiety. I asked my husband about how I seem regarding my happiness and he was brutally honest. “I’ve only seen you happy a handful of times, you will have your good days for a bit but then get so depressive you don’t get out of bed.” Which is true, today was one of those days. He is becoming desensitized to this side of me and I understand why.
